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Hi Folks!
I was in a coffee shop this past weekend and met one of the employees -- a young lady somewhere between 17 & 21 (a guess). At first there
didn't seem to be anything phenomenally unique or terribly fascinating about her; she seemed balanced and involved in her environment.
As I chatted with her, I discovered she had (at least) one very interesting skill. She told me that when criticized, she never
stayed angry for very long!
I thought, that seemed like a pretty neat skill. As I pressed further, I discovered she had set up an internal
'propulsion system' strategy which worked very well for her. So after eliciting this strategy, I thought I'd post
this process & see if it worked for anyone other than me.
When you find you're in an angry state induced by hearing someone else say something nasty:
- Hear someone saying something nasty
- Allow your head to begin fill with tension normally and let the normal response 'begin' (i.e., when you *could* act with an immediate response)
- Set up an "away-from" motivation:
- Picture a future-pace of angry responses to that person's comment delivered over
time, imagining carrying around that anger that you might have allowed to take over your near future
- Make the pictures bigger - Amplify the negatives
- Hear potential future conversations with all that anger releasing
- Turn up the volume - Amplify the negatives
- Imagine a break-away from the away-from
- Dissociate from your present experience of allowing the anger to take over the present state. Dissociate also meant getting out of the presence of the antagonist (for her).
- Set up a "towards" motivation:
- Think of a positive thought. A time when everything was GREAT. (for her it was primarily Vc, associated). Amplify the pictures & the submods!
- Allow a good feeling to come into the body around the shoulder muscles leading into the neck (upper lats). Begin to relax there. Turn the feeling up, make it warm.
- Let the posture change. Get it looser. Allow the mind to clear.
- Hear self saying "What a completely different OUTLOOK"
The girl whose strategy I provided above said that invariably,
within 2-3 minutes, the anger always subsided to the point where she could
enjoy life again completely. It worked for me. But then, I can do it
faster nowadays (1) when I fire certain anchors off correctly, or (2)
just because I choose to. But I can also model carrying anger around
long enough to test this strategy out. Even though I choose to not
carry anger around with me, I know most people don't yet have that
choice, so when I met up with this young gal who somehow, without
KNOWing how, behaved in this ONE (at least one) excellent way, I asked
her if I could learn how she does it & share it with people. She
thought that would be kewl.
Let me know what *you* think!
Regards,
- Jonathan Altfeld
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