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"On diffusing Anger"

Hi Folks!

I was in a coffee shop this past weekend and met one of the employees -- a young lady somewhere between 17 & 21 (a guess). At first there didn't seem to be anything phenomenally unique or terribly fascinating about her; she seemed balanced and involved in her environment. As I chatted with her, I discovered she had (at least) one very interesting skill. She told me that when criticized, she never stayed angry for very long!

I thought, that seemed like a pretty neat skill. As I pressed further, I discovered she had set up an internal 'propulsion system' strategy which worked very well for her. So after eliciting this strategy, I thought I'd post this process & see if it worked for anyone other than me.

When you find you're in an angry state induced by hearing someone else say something nasty:

  1. Hear someone saying something nasty
  2. Allow your head to begin fill with tension normally and let the normal response 'begin' (i.e., when you *could* act with an immediate response)
  3. Set up an "away-from" motivation:
    • Picture a future-pace of angry responses to that person's comment delivered over time, imagining carrying around that anger that you might have allowed to take over your near future
    • Make the pictures bigger - Amplify the negatives
    • Hear potential future conversations with all that anger releasing
    • Turn up the volume - Amplify the negatives
  4. Imagine a break-away from the away-from
  5. Dissociate from your present experience of allowing the anger to take over the present state. Dissociate also meant getting out of the presence of the antagonist (for her).
  6. Set up a "towards" motivation:
    • Think of a positive thought. A time when everything was GREAT. (for her it was primarily Vc, associated). Amplify the pictures & the submods!
    • Allow a good feeling to come into the body around the shoulder muscles leading into the neck (upper lats). Begin to relax there. Turn the feeling up, make it warm.
    • Let the posture change. Get it looser. Allow the mind to clear.
    • Hear self saying "What a completely different OUTLOOK"

The girl whose strategy I provided above said that invariably, within 2-3 minutes, the anger always subsided to the point where she could enjoy life again completely. It worked for me. But then, I can do it faster nowadays (1) when I fire certain anchors off correctly, or (2) just because I choose to. But I can also model carrying anger around long enough to test this strategy out. Even though I choose to not carry anger around with me, I know most people don't yet have that choice, so when I met up with this young gal who somehow, without KNOWing how, behaved in this ONE (at least one) excellent way, I asked her if I could learn how she does it & share it with people. She thought that would be kewl.

Let me know what *you* think!

Regards,

- Jonathan Altfeld

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