NLP Technique for Charismatic connections - Article by Jonathan Altfeld
Interested in NLP techniques for gaining increased closeness and charisma, or improving rapport in working relationships?
Here's a process I call the "space invader" technique. Sounds ominous, doesn't it? Well, I usually find a way to get a laugh about it when I say it in person... so imagine me laughing when I say "the space invader technique!" And its principally about invading someone's personal space in a very nonchalant, non-threatening way, for a very short period of time, to test out the waters, making sure to withdraw out of that space, and test for comfort. If there are signs of a little uncertainty when you're in that person's space, that's fine. Uncertainty is good -- you can work with that one! If they're clearly uncomfortable, either they're really sensitive about their space, or, you went too far or stayed there too long for "testing the waters!"
I mean, you wouldn't stand there with your feet in an ice-cold swimming pool for very long, would you? ;)
In the workplace and with co-workers -- be gentle and careful about this process. I am not suggesting anyone make passes. That's not what I mean! I also am not suggesting anyone invite harassment grievances. Touching can seem overt to some, can seem natural to others (and in some cases, with some people, unless you're touching their arm or vice versa, its too impersonal!).
Take some care to start with the very gentle and cycle into more of the space-invasion/withdrawal process. By paying attention to this process, you can find out what other people find comfortable, and push the envelope MINIMALLY, gradually, paying attention to the signals people give you, and reach a point of maximal comfort -- beyond which lies diminished personal returns.
How to Make Strangers Rapidly Feel More Comfortable with you!
Whoops! I already let the cat out of the bag. It's a cycle! Invade, retreat... watch for comfort. Anchor it with an expression, or a word, or a tonal marker like "ahhhh!" with a facial expression. Keep anchoring the comfort as you invade/withdraw. If you keep this process up, with roughly the same amount of space-invasion, without continually invading further, eventually you will notice no discomfort with the times you do jump into their space. You'll have conditioned them to be feel more comfortable with those occasional maneuvers that don't lead anywhere more uncomfortable (and you'll have deepened that comfort NLP anchor which comes in handy later).
Now. Let's say you've progressed to touching the side of their shoulder, or upper arm, or elbow, or lower arm when you speak occasionally when you speak with them. I'll state also that you don't want that touch to be an anchor for sudden discomfort, so don't touch, until you notice how they feel more comfortable with your present level of closeness!
Let's say you're standing closer to them now. And they show signs of comfort! You can gently touch their arm now, and fire off the "ahhh" NLP anchor, with the expression that goes with it!
Bing! Usually, you'll get instant acceptance. But watch for the instant physiological signs; if they're not happy about the touch, withdraw the touch and keep the anchor coming back a few times. They'll relax if you've set the anchor well. If there's just the slightest bit of discomfort, lean your head back a little & smile to lessen the invasion while you maintain the arm touch! It lessens the negative response and may help them enjoy the positive responses to the touch. But again, some people don't want to be touched in some environments. Be aware of when you've gone beyond acceptable boundaries and respect them.
Charisma is raised for any setting, not just in dating or flirting contexts. This is about how you reach a closer level of basic intimacy with another person! I mean intimacy on any level, whether it be in a sales situation or in a friendly context, or even on a personal relationship level. Be kind to the other person, be reactive to and care taking of their responses, and you will just about always end up with positive results.
This method helps you get inside someone else's personal space, almost magically FAST, and comfortably! Here's how to prevent any confrontations.
When you come at people from the front, it is often considered con-front-ational. When you stand side-side (180-degree angle between you), or at somewhere between a 180- and 45-degree angle to someone, it is much more acceptable to be closer and further within someone's personal space.
Whether you're leaning forward with your upper body or not, can also affect perceptions. When you act "laid back" by leaning back, it gives a very relaxed message to people, so generally speaking (knowing there are exceptions), people will allow you closer into their personal space. At angles such as these, its almost as though you're in "cahoots" together, i.e., you're sharing a view between the two of you. Its a nice place to be!
Another thing. In real communication settings, its usually two-sided. So as I teach people what happens on their side of the equation, often, not always, but often (especially when they're really friendly and laid-back) they'll discover that the other person they're communicating with... ends up joining in the dance!
author: Jonathan Altfeld