NLP Chat: NLP & Sexuality, NLP & Sex
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IRC Chat Log, March 11, 1998
| Jonathan | OK guys, (wow, there really are only guys here tonight!) welcome to the chat! What I have in mind may not be what you're expecting, but then... I don't know what you may have been expecting! You can learn about rapport and flirtation from just about any NLP training (if the trainer is dynamic!). Once you're already in an intimate situation... How can NLP come into play at that point and beyond? So listen up -- since this chat is likely to be ALL over the map... Let's take the subject matter from beginning to end of a sexual experience (not that there's ONE formula), but let's get some general ideas out there. |
| Jonathan | After you've pretty much moved into a situation where you both know you're interested in having sex.... And you're going through the process of... |
| MetaMan | Tonal exercises during oral sex? |
| Jonathan | lets say -- moving into foreplay... |
| MetaMan | Hmmm, calibration time |
| Jonathan | What kinds of things are you thinking about... and...how can you IMPROVE the experience? |
| MarcM | if what you're doing doesn't work.... :) |
| MetaMan | ask question !!! #1 complaint from women |
| Jonathan | It *would* be nice to see some female responses here -- maybe next time! YES -- asking questions is terrific. Now. |
| hsfear | If you've anchored desire, now might be a good time to fire. |
| Dan_26 | do something and note response; if good, continue, if not, try something else :) |
| Jonathan | Guys can learn from John Gray & others how to be the guy the women love, and thats useful. And you CAN fire anchors of increasing desires, if you've set them, thats true hsfear!!! So you can fire off anchors and such... But I'm also interested in how you can... use NLP to heighten your OWN experience too! NLP is about doing what works and doing what works BETTER! So, certainly you can fire up your own sensory acuity, and improve your own sensations, can you not? |
| hsfear | I've also found this a good time to try to get her kinesthetically in touch. I try to get her to relive some strongly kinesthetic experience that was pleasurable - seems to set up a good path into sex itself. |
| MetaMan | Sex is....a sliding anchor! |
| Jonathan | Ahhhahhah! Yes it certainly can be a sliding anchor! |
| MarcM | Er - what if your brain's not doing the thinking at the time? |
| Jonathan | Hsfear, how do you mean that? And MarcM -- do you really believe that? |
| MarcM | Let me put it this way - what if you're in "uptime" at the time? |
| Jonathan | Or aren't you aware of how your brain is really what's causing ALL your behavior...? And how since your brain controls everything... |
| MetaMan | Felicia is wondering What is the point, & Where are you/we going? |
| kallee | Felicia: where would you like us to go? Lead!! |
| Jonathan | OOOh, now, thats more interesting... So what I wanna know is, WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT from being here? More Sex? Better Sex? Better sex for you? or for your partner(s)? |
| MetaMan | Multi-orgasms and a 24-hr erection that feels good! |
| Spiceman | Ecstasy |
| Dan_26 | I like the direction you're taking, making the shared experience as intense and pleasurable as possible. |
| MetaMan | More Partners...At once??? |
| Jonathan | WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT from being here -- from the idea of using NLP to enhance Sex? - who hasn't answered? |
| Mitnick | When I'm actually in sex, then I make her reach orgasm, I anchor it to her waist. Every time I make her reach orgasm, I anchor her waist, stacking the anchors on top of each other... |
| hsfear | I'm just curious. Of course, I can always improve. |
| Jonathan | Yes, we can all improve! |
| Mitnick | It provides a double effect...her own response is heightened, because of the actually induced sensations in her body by the physical action, plus the firing of the anchor. |
| Dan_26 | pace everything to her breathing during initial stages of foreplay |
| Jonathan | I'll state what I want out of it... I want more amazing experiences. I want each one to be unique and new and powerful physical experiences that go beyond normal comprehension. I want increased intimacy. |
| Mitnick | The second effect is that you're stacking another anchor on top of the old ones...for use later...was I clear enough? |
| MetaMan | Sex is a trance... |
| Jonathan | I want to feel like I'm already experiencing it before I start... and that its continuing even after its over... And I don't know if thats enough... |
| Spiceman | mit: even unexperinced NLPer does anchor..what a good NLP can do? |
| Mitnick | Induce orgasm hypnotically, then future pace? Spice: I have not explored fully in that arena, coz I'm more concentrated on my actual, physical technique... |
| Jonathan | ;) Thats a little advanced for most people here, Mitnick, how about some nuts & bolts ;) -- no pun intended |
| MetaMan | trance components do deepen the sexual experiance IE: switching from one 4 tuple to another in time to their breathing creates a very sensual exeriance |
| Jonathan | I'll give an example of something I do. And I'll do it 'generically' so you can get the idea of how to use this: |
| Mitnick | You can say I'm a newbie in that part of the field |
| MarcM | Hmm - perhaps I'm still victim of the mentality that Sex is sacred and you shouldn't dick around with it :) |
| MetaMan | No its DICK is sacred and you shouldnt fuck around with him |
| Jonathan | (1) Anchor in the state of increased arousal to a certain touch on a forearm or upper arm. |
| Spiceman | Marc: sex is so sacred that you should dick around. |
| Jonathan | As you move into a deeper state of arousal... (2) Anchor in the deeper state of arousal to the same touch a little further away from the other touch... in a certain direction. |
| kallee | During foreplay - Ask in a seductive and fun way -- what does your partner like? EG; Remember the last time a lovers touch filled you with desire? Where were you touched? How? That will help bring on the state. |
| Jonathan | As you deepen further and perhaps the activity heats up... (3) Anchor in that state to another place further in the same direction... and begin testing a slow brush of your touch from the 1st one along a line towards the second and through the third... As things really heat up keep doing that, further and further along... and you're building a ZIP anchor for increased arousal.... Does that make sense? |
| Grendie | preferctly ;) |
| MetaMan | 9 months to get out and the rst of our life to get back in :) |
| Dan_26 | are you pushing further than you originally anchored, or are you brushing and rebrushing the same length of the anchors? |
| kallee | each and every touch from one's lover is an anchor! |
| Dan_26 | both |
| Jonathan | Yes, always anchoring further and further, but touching or re-touching all of the set anchors, in the increasing intensity sequence... Yes, both! But always in the increasing direction. Oh, and back to basics -- synchronous breathing helps a LOT! |
| MetaMan | to increae their pleasure increase you rate of breathing after pace-lead established. sex is completely controlled by breathing and imagination... and pheromones |
| Jonathan | ;) |
| Mitnick | I don't think we're all getting it altfeld...you might be chunking too high, too low, or both. |
| Jonathan | Thats a shame. I think everyone should be getting it. So. |
| hsfear | Hey, I understand. |
| MarcM | here's a weird question - what if she seems incapable of G-spot orgasm? |
| MetaMan | MarM: there are biological as wella s mental reasons for that |
| Jonathan | As to G-Spot, Marc... Have *you* ever helped a woman experience a G-Spot orgasm that had previously been unable to? |
| Spiceman | some women say that they rarely experince Orgasm..!! |
| Jonathan | NLP would say, find a guy who's done specifically that, and model what HE does to help HER. As opposed to following a woman's directions (which is the next best thing, of course). |
| MetaMan | most are too tense. relaztion...complete body...is very important to how a womans sex cycle arousal cycle goes |
| MarcM | well, here's the deal - she'll be doing fine, then she'll feel like she has to pee - which is supposed to pass - but it doesn't. Rather disappointing :( |
| Jonathan | Has she thought about going to the bathroom 1st? |
| MarcM | Well, it's not a REAL need to pee - just feels like it |
| Mitnick | A glass of wine does wonders in the relaxation department... |
| MetaMan | pput a rubber sheet under yourselves and go for broke |
| Jonathan | LOL MetaMan |
| MetaMan | one glass anymore and it can back fire |
| MarcM | "go for broke"? |
| Dan_26 | my understanding is that that is a part of the g-spot orgasm. . . |
| Jonathan | Yes Dan |
| MetaMan | yes Dan_26 is CORRECT! |
| Mitnick | There are 2 spots where orgasm is physiologically induced... |
| MetaMan | MY WALLET AND THERE BED |
| Mitnick | In the g-spot, which should be just behind the pubic bone... And the clitoris. The second is easier to find :) |
| MetaMan | uhhh, not so Vaginal orgasm which are vulva based (and not clitoral) occur too! There are 8 areas I know of that cause orgasm |
| Jonathan | Where is Dr. Ruth when you need her? |
| Mitnick | Oh ! This is great ! A challenge to my current education. Please tell me more and smash it... |
| Dan_26 | two areas: inside or outside :) |
| MetaMan | NOT HERE THAANK GOD |
| Jonathan | Minnesota, Florida, Hawaii, California, What 4 other areas? |
| MetaMan | there are vaginal, clitoral, anal, vulva, nipple, mouth, olfactory, midline |
| Jonathan | 8 areas that cause orgasm |
| Mitnick | This is important because you can extract the structure of orgasm and install it... |
| MarcM | a *smell* orgasm? |
| Jonathan | I agree! Absolutely, Marc... |
| Mitnick | mouth orgasm? |
| MetaMan | these are all areas that through stimulation have caused woman to have an scientfic orgasm which is the rapid refluxation of parasympathetic and sympahttic nervous system |
| Jonathan | except the olfactory orgasm is more like -- an anchor or set of anchors that induces another type. |
| MetaMan | Jon...NO that is in correct certain molecules DO trigger orgasm and it si not an chor as it is a biological response |
| Mitnick | I am to thinking that the "others" are more like fired anchors too... |
| hsfear | Yes Mitnick - I've seen that one. Missed the olfactory though... |
| Jonathan | Hm. A biological response that causes the nervous system to localize an orgasm in the vaginal area, for example. Just questioning the description, not the intent |
| Dan_26 | someone cite a reference, i'd like to read a little on this :) |
| MetaMan | careful THEY ARE NOT ANCHORS unless you think biological hardwiring is an anchor |
| Mitnick | Me three... |
| MarcM | anybody have an answer to the original question? :) |
| Jonathan | ok I'll go with that. |
| MetaMan | and anchor to me is a LEARNED stimuli responses NOT a gentic but htat is my distinction |
| Mitnick | Meta: Yes...biological wiring can be an anchor...ever seen a phobia patient? |
| Jonathan | I believe you CAN learn those connections, though, if they're not strong ones. |
| Mitnick | More like neurological wiring, actually... |
| MetaMan | I mean biological in the sense they are BORN WITH THE RESPONSES |
| Jonathan | So it CAN be set up as an anchor if the automatic responses on a certain neurological channel are minimal. |
| Mitnick | Meta: just being a scientific skeptic : a baby can orgasm in that means ? |
| MetaMan | Thats they way I use them and recommend...Would anyone be interested in more of these natural anchors ??? |
| Jonathan | Go for it, Phoenix, you've got the floor! |
| Mitnick | I'm all ears (or eyes for that matter) |
| MetaMan | Mitnick: yep..I have read on it...it is not a "full orgasm" but it is a reflux between nervous systems that is measurable. Humans are more sexual than our culture would have us believe. OK... This is dealing wiht Chakras and Neochakras points in the body that recieve and transmit energy. Knowing what point does What IE: 1st chakra is sexual/security L/R hip is energy in /out and basic survival levels. allows one to anchor approraite states to the energy spot to maximize result when that anchor is re-fired. A good book on this is The art and practice of Chakra and Kundalini Energies. it si colorful, nude and covers spirtual as well as biological aspects of chakras and neo chakras |
| Jonathan | Good book! |
| Mitnick | Uh, phoenix...while I'm in pursuit of both metaphysical and NLP knowledge...please be more specific how anchors dovetail into chakras. |
| MetaMan | Well I do a reverse chain... I start by having her tell me the best feeling she has...I relate that to its corresponding chakra...I anchor it. And when I fire off the anchor it seems to be intenser thatn if I anchor just any old place. I then progress either down or up in my chain of anchoring...whether I want bliss sex (up) or animal sex (down). If I want more pleasure I anchor her energy send for sending. If I want her more receptive I anchor her zones for that. ok..any questions? |
| Jonathan | Lets choose one thing to expand on -- like, "If I want her more receptive I anchor her zones for that." And women can do the same thing with men when they read this later on ;) |
| MetaMan | OK remember R side is SEND and L side is RECEIVE. the point is located above the hip on the side of the body and then at chest level also on the side |
| Mitnick | Interesting... Wait...anchor a chakra...which chakra corresponds to bliss and which one to animal ? |
| MetaMan | SO...I have her tell me about a time that she let something into her life... at the peak I gently touch or even point at the side zone... I then do something to minorlly violate a minor value IE: space distance. And I fire of teh anchor to make sure its there ALSO I visualize energy going into her from the universe through me into her and tehn down her body and into the ground |
| Mitnick | It's eye level to me, but it's new... This is where I drown...bye...gotta get some serious grub... |
| Jonathan | OK. Lets summarize then for those present who may be a bit lost. |
| MetaMan | Please ask quick ??? I have to go and get my other lover |
| Jonathan | MetaMan is describing a set of processes he does which integrate a lot of different approaches... including NLP, and chakrah meditations, and sex, and Reiki, if you will. But in NLP trainings you would learn a little about energy adjustments/states/etc., because you'd be learning about how the body & mind operate together, and you'd be learning about how to gain more control over the way that your brain does function well. So its nice to know a bit about how Chakras work. On the more practical side of things... for people with less NLP experience who are looking for some simple conscious things they can do to improve their sex lives or experiences... Certainly when a partner is in a more aroused state, I'd want to anchor that with a touch, and perhaps a word or phrase in a certain tonality... And when you're in the middle of it, you can take advantage of those moments of increased pleasure in yourself and others by anchoring the sudden boost ;) but you've got to move quickly! And I suggest one other thing ;) |
| Spiceman | jon: what else beside anchoring we can use? |
| Jonathan | Adding in more auditory elements to the experience ;) Because as you allow yourself to express yourself more verbally... |
| MetaMan | submodalities |
| Jonathan | It adds in another sensory input channel... and can really enhance the experience more.... so encouraging your partner to be more vocal as well can have really wonderful and powerful effects. |
| Dan_26 | in a deep voice |
| Jonathan | Some people have guilt or embarassment about being more vocal. For those people I recommend a glass of wine, or, go see a comedian and then rush home! |
| MetaMan | Or a good porn by a female director! |
| Jonathan | Anything which can eliminate or reduce whatever inhibitions that used to be there ;) |
| MetaMan | :) |
| Jonathan | So in practice -- one SIMPLE rule of thumb would be to MAXIMIZE the amount of sensory channels across which you're experiencing pleasure... in terms of what you hear, what you feel, what you see.... thaaaat's right keep the lights on enough to see ;) Does this make sense folks? And include taste & smell in there too... |
| kallee | ask for feedback (audial channel) |
| Spiceman | food? |
| Jonathan | If you're using ALL your senses... Sex will be a powerful experience for you, even without anchoring, chakras, and all the NLP jazz! |
| Dan_26 | reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld. . . nevermind :) |
| Jonathan | ;) rotfl... Ooooh, FOOD |
| Spiceman | and some choclate |
| Jonathan | ;) Food could be a cool addition, because food has visual, gustatory, olfactory elements, and sometimes auditory and kinesthetic elements too. Chocolate -- the 5th Food Group |
| Dan_26 | George is having sex while eating a sandwich. . . later, he eats a sandwich with Jerry and gets aroused! |
| Spiceman | lol |
| Jonathan | Thats funny |
| hsfear | Sometimes kinesthetic ?!?!?!?! |
| Jonathan | and thats classical conditioning. |
| Spiceman | dan: non-fat wipped cream? |
| kallee | champagne and strawberrys |
| Jonathan | Sure, hsfear... |
| Dan_26 | sorry about that. . . setting that completely aside now. . . :) |
| Jonathan | what about feeling the texture of an orange.... or a strawberry... |
| hsfear | Sorry, I wasn't clear.... Always kinesthetic. (At least as I experience it.) |
| Dan_26 | non-fat? whatever she would find the most arousing |
| Jonathan | Sure, I can agree with that ;) |
| Dan_26 | what about olfactory sense? |
| Spiceman | jon: why don't we go after her old good experiences and use it to our benefit? |
| hsfear | Dan: isn't that part of the attraction of candles and incense? |
| Dan_26 | excellent point. . . so we have food, fire, and phremones for the olfactory? |
| Jonathan | Cologne... |
| Dan_26 | enough f's in that sentence |
| Spiceman | good and great remembrable memories |
| Dan_26 | agreed jonathan, i still prefer Drakkar to anything else, as do most of the women I know and meet |
| Jonathan | even the natural smell of skin, clean or just starting to sweat -- is usually attractive to most people. |
| hsfear | For many women I've met, smell is a powerful experience. |
| Jonathan | Yes. So let me ask you a question: If you found a way to enhance the experience FOR YOUR PARTNER(S), would that automatically enhance the experience for you? Would every effort come back to you tenfold? |
| Dan_26 | Completely! |
| hsfear | Not necessarily. |
| Spiceman | I think you enhance what turns you on. |
| Dan_26 | Only if you have now a mechanism that allows you to be more turned on, as your partner gets more turned on, and you experience more pleasure as they do, but don't think about that any quicker than it's installed! |
| Jonathan | So as you... Build In This Feedback Loop... And imagine ways that it could accelerate in the future, I think it could be really amazing to discover that even though not EVERY action you take has immediate rewards for you, it enhances the experience for your partner.. and from a practical standpoint, nothing -- in most folks -- causes a person to want to please YOU beyond belief any more than their recognizing that you want the same for them... and in NLP.... YOU GO FIRST... Does that make more sense than just expecting it to automatically return to you tenfold? Do what works! |
| Dan_26 | Very well stated, Jonathan. |
| Jonathan | Do what you KNOW you can -- you KNOW you could invest your pleasure and creativity into pleasing your partner in a myriad of ways... and enjoy and reap the benefits. |
| hsfear | Yes, but they can get lost completely in the pleasure. |
| Dan_26 | Is that good or bad? |
| hsfear | Good for her, not necessarily good for you. It can be a very downtime trance. Sex is a game for two. |
| Jonathan | Hmmm - Yes they can. Now, that COULD be a wonderful gift to offer that person on occasion. If its a mode they expect, then.... Is that a partner you want to be with longterm? I don't think so. This is about WIN-WIN!!! Though, you don't NEED to win every time. Demanding to WIN every time can lead to lose-lose! If you think about just enjoying the process, it aaaaalll gets better ;) Or more, for some people! And, for one, often enough. |
| Spiceman | or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 -- after that it becomes out of control :-) |
| hsfear | Oh, scuze me guys. I've been happily married for 12 years. I forget about all those other options ;-) |
| Jonathan | How funny! Well, let me say thanks for coming! See you next time! |
| hsfear | Any chat that goes from Chakras to chocolate has covered some real ground! |
| Spiceman | Good night everyone, and thanks Jonathan et. al.! |
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All material is ©1997-2010 Jonathan Altfeld, unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved.
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