Recently, on social media, an NLP Practitioner asked a question about a client who reported having a phobia, and with whom he used the NLP Fast Phobia Cure, which may have partly worked, but it came back a few days later?
Requests for "free" help, by email, or phone...
I thought I'd broach a sticky topic here -- open it up for discussion.
The more free things I do, the more I get repetitious requests for free NLP coaching. Oh, it's not called that, it's usually described more as "oh, just a few minutes to help me out of a bind," or "can I just send you something and have you review it, tell me how to do it better," etc. Let's call it what it is: It's a request for free NLP coaching.
My opinion: It's fine to offer free (&/or risk-free) ways for people to "taste" your offerings, on your own terms. But NEVER agree to offer your valuable services for free according to other people's terms. Then you're disrespecting your self, diminishing your own value.
I received a pair of emails from a gentleman after he attended one of my Online NLP Training Taster sessions. He got good value from attending. He liked my insight, enjoyed the experience. Obviously he felt I had and have something to offer. Because shortly afterwards, he sent me an email in which he described a problematic situation he's in, and asked for my 1-on-1 help, in solving it.
Naturally, I'm grateful for the request, but there was no comment or question in his email suggesting he was asking for help within the context of any business relationship. Just a request for help. So... here's the response I sent:
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I got a response back, essentially asking for free help, again:
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Still no comment about any business relationship (I know quite a number of other coaches would have sent back a rude response at this point, but I don't see any value in being rude about it). Don't be rude. Just be clear, be firm, and wish people well. After all, reasonable people charge for their valuable services, and reasonable people also expect to have to pay for valuable services. I wouldn't ever blame someone for asking for help; after all, it's a compliment. But we are all better served when we ourselves define the terms on how we'll offer/deliver our services.
Here was my reply:
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So there you go. Thoughts?
Inbox Insights
- Knowledge Engineering (& Belief Craft) have evolved, into GeniusMapping™
- As of September 2020, we're in the process of moving from Tampa, Florida, to the Youngstown Ohio area. Currently, during the Coronavirus era, we're mostly focusing on Zoom-based Coaching, and aligning resources to run online courses.
- How "Civil Engineering" totally reframes the word "Stress," redefines the phrase "Stress Management," and leads us to embrace Stress!
- Many NLP Practitioners are more sloppy with their thinking patterns, than they'd like to admit, or... would even notice.
- Watch NLP Co-Founder Richard Bandler use NLP to eliminate Michael Strahan's phobic response to snakes -- in minutes (with Kelly Ripa bringing over a BIG snake at the end to test Michael's response). Spoiler alert: It worked ridiculously well.
- No matter what skill you want to learn, no matter what fears or concerns or hesitation you may have, there are and will always be a wide range of approaches, to learning that skill. It's important to keep that in mind when making learning choices.
- Many more famous people have been trained in Ericksonian (indirect) Hypnosis and NLP than you might guess. There are certainly far more who have strong interests here than have publically admitted so.
- On January 1, 2015, Jonathan Altfeld and 20 other co-authors released a digital book entitled "Creating Business Growth."
- What are the Four Stages of Learning?
- Tom OlsonMarylandAttended Course : NLP Skills-Builders (course)
Thank you for such a wonderful and powerful introduction to NLP. I must admit that Friday night, I was feeling a mix of excitement and skepticism. Although I had already read three books on NLP, I still needed proof. I needed someone to show me that NLP was for real, and show me, you did. The skeptical voice in the back of my head was quickly quelled. I appreciate the openness and respect you exhibited to the attendees through out the entire three days. But most of all it was fun, and for me, an adventure. I do plan to continue this adventure with additional training. Thanks again for pointing out the possibilities. You are a great trainer and I look forward to training with you in the future.
1998 - Peter FreethLondon, UKAttended Course : Belief Craft MP3 Set
Less than 5 hours after the end of Jonathan's KE course in London I'm visualising extensive and complex belief systems hidden within language - and keeping up a 'full time' conversation at the same time. Why is this useful? In the past I may have gotten to a strategy and thought 'I'm done' whereas now I hear and see the whole complex structure. Key decision points and` behaviours are emerging which are many times more complete, powerful and elegant than anything I would have arrived at previously through standard 'strategy elicitation'. Before today, I knew people who I thought were complex, now I know that they're no more complex than anyone else, they just hide their beliefs better. This means that I know that I can now choose to work with everybody rather than just the 'easy people'. I am now creating subtle and elegant interventions without thinking about it and I know how much that is going to benefit me more and more over time. And I had a great time too!
2003 - John SchertzerVice President, Securities, & NLP Master Practitioner, New York, NYAttended Course : Linguistic Wizardry
"Right after coming back from his training in Boston, I was cooking! A few weeks after the training I did what many people said was my best poetry performance ever -- actually had people calling be up, asking me to email poems to them, and to put them on my mailing list (but I don't have a mailing list) -- and since then I've been a very useful to my friends, family and clients, helping them deal with emotional and mental obstacles, and make creative breakthroughs and achieve their goals. Jonathan sets a great example, and blasts through beliefs that are holding you back from being your best. But I'll let YOU find out how."
2005 - Byron WoodsonPhiladelphia, PABought Audio : Knowledge Engineering
Jon Altfeld's Knowledge Engineering Home study course is the best money on NLP I've ever spent. I've read all of the early NLP books, and most of the books in their bibliographies. I've also been to one 14-day training. To date, most NLP has been 'intellectual' and 'peicemeal' for me. Since listening to Jon's seminar and reading the transcript, I've been able move from 'knowing about' to 'knowing' how to model other people's experiences and belief systems, and with way less effort. Jon expanded on Dilts' Normalized Belief Structure. The way Jon builds and weaves this structure enabled me to understand clearly how it worked. His course indirectly set up the "NBS" as a lynchpin, integrating other aspects of NLP for me. Most of the stuff I've exposed myself to in NLP focuses on either the sensory systems or the language. This KE course has enabled me to understand how sensory-systems are integrated into language. This has me tracking people's experiences and languaging not like a 1-2-3 beginner dance instruction, but rather like keeping up with a good salsa tune! And with a partner to boot! Through the course, he leads you to using this tool in simple and dynamic ways. Using the "NBS" has enabled me to attend to, understand and track the experience of anyone I talk to. It has also enabled me to deal with people more powerfully. Two days after finishing the course, using this tool, I both defused one, and prevented another almost-guaranteed argument with my girlfriend, in the same night! This is the first NLP product that I've read and/or experienced that enables me to easily attend to, track and deal with another person's belief systems in real-time/uptime. This home study course actually puts the 'programming' in NLP.
2004 - Howard SweeneyDenver, COAttended Course : “Irresistible Voice”seminar
Jonathan Altfeld's Irresistible Voice Workshop is one of the most impactful trainings that I have ever experienced. In just the first few minutes of the workshop, Jonathan was able to provide both me and all of my fellow participants with instant, dramatic, and positive results in finding our true voices and having us start using them fully as quality instruments of clarity and communication. Jonathan utilized his significant training skills and unique technology to guide me to a much more pleasing and expressive voice in only three fun-filled days. Now, after the "feel good" of most training and workshops has long passed, I find that (thanks to Jonathan) I am continuing to improve my new-found voice skills on a daily basis. Jonathan provided me with a solid foundation to automatically make effortless and continuous improvements in my voice. Other folks are now complementing me on my voice - that's certainly a new experience for me! Jonathan didn't stop with simply having me sound much better. He amped it up with fun exercises where I learned exactly how to use my new-found richer sounding voice and use my words to communicate much more effectively and produce positive results in others. With short, fun, and creative exercises, Jonathan taught me life-changing speaking skills that will only get better and better, auto-magically. Jonathan's personalized one-on-one coaching helped me achieve results that I truly did not think would be possible in just 3 days. I cannot begin to express my profound thanks to Jonathan for the life-changing skills he instilled in me in just a few short days. If you are interested in a much better sounding voice that will have positive and life-changing impact, sign up now and make sure you are one of the fortunate folks to attend Jonathan's Irresistible Voice Workshop.
2009 - Michael BealeNLP Trainer, PPI, Milton Keynes, UKAttended Course : Knowledge Engineering
I can throroughly recommend this course for anyone who is interested in developing their skills in modelling excellent performance, developing opportunities or solving problems. The skills apply equally well to concepts at work as well as to personal issues. In addition the relatively small numbers helped create an exceptionally positive atmosphere and enabled excellent individual feedback.
http://www.ppimk.com2000 - David GouldBristol Hypnotherapy, Bristol, UKAttended Course : Knowledge Engineering
(written in 1998:) Jonathan has not been doing NLP all that long, & yet his skills already surpass almost all the other trainers. Most of you will probably be wondering how he does it. Luckily, Jonathan has decided to teach us in a special 3-day training he calls "Knowledge Engineering & NLP". Because of the original nature of the material being taught & because of Jonathan's mastery of teaching at many levels simultaneously, the training suits all levels of NLP ability. He is also very good at tailoring the training to the participants: most of what we did was made up as we went along & yet, because it all went so well, I assumed it had been planned! Jonathan is quite happy teaching something completely irrelevant to the material if he thinks it's useful to the trainees. I found this particularly refreshing. I confidently recommend this course to everyone, especially those who want to progress a lot faster with NLP.
http://www.deep-trance.com1998 - Andrew JoyPrincipal French Horn, Cologne Radio Orchestra, Cologne, GermanyBought Audio : Finding Your Irresistible Voice
Your CDs arrived safe and sound. I've listened to the first two and worked on the exercises. I'm a 55 year young, professional principal french horn player and have been working in a top German symphony orchestra for the past 30 years. I listened to the bonus telephone interview today. I am blown away. The results, applying your voice exercises to my playing (and to my students) are phenomenal. Resonance plays a huge role in performing on a brass instrument and very few poeple understand much about it. I've picked up useful and practical information, from singers and voice coaches, that I've been able to adapt to brass playing. Explaining resonance is now easy using your nose, mouth, throat etc, approach. The killer though, is using double resonance. I have free at present and don't have to perform in the orchestra (and the hall) until the beginning of Febuary. However, I am itching to hear how my changed sound is in our hall. It has to be amazing. Your material has added wonderfully valuable understandings to my comprehension of what constitutes excellent quality brass player and has beautifully simplified my means of effectively communicating it to my students. There has been a lot of belly laughter, stunned ears and broad smiles in my teaching studio this week. I'm teaching a course to amateur wind and brass players next year and am looking forward to applying your teachings to this particular situation for the benefit of the people attending. Thanks a million. This is one of the few times in my life where I've been gladly reeling and with a huge smile on my face.
http://www.andrewjoy.com2007 - Mark WilsonBismarck, NDAttended Course : Flirtopia DVD-set
When I grew up we moved many times. I hadn't developed any social skills, so as I grew up I would always be shy around strangers. I begin to feel anxious in meeting not only women but also any new people. What would I say? What happens when the conversation dies? I would hang on to anyone who showed any interest in me. Needless to say, I dated many "Ms. Right Now's" rather than "Ms. Right's" because they accepted me. After I attended the Flirtopia seminar, now I feel comfortable in any social situation. In having a new perspective in reading their comfort level, interest and willingness to follow me, I can lead them into many other activities that I enjoy. As I look back in my life, without attending Flirtopia, I know I would either be alone or with people who not only would tolerate my shyness but eventually become bored with it and take advantage of me. Now I find there is so much more to life. More doors have opened through becoming more social and I have been able to choose a woman who enjoys my company and we enjoy a much richer relationship. I know there have been events that have changed who I am today. Flirtopia is one of the most important in becoming who I am today. Thank you Jonathan.
2000 - Matthew NewnhamChange Management Consultant, Edinburgh, UKAttended Course :
From my perspective, context and meaning are, if not everything, a very big slice of the cake. Jonathan Altfeld's 'Knowledge Engineering' has provided me with the tools and understanding to create contextual maps of any problem, with cause, effect AND meaning. This approach is very powerful, and allowed me to create breakthrough strategies immediately, with clarity and certainty of purpose. Beyond this, Jonathan is exceptionally wise and articulate about NLP and how to use it to effect meaningful, lasting change. He is also very approachable and generous, and a pleasure to work with.
1997